you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
