my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
