you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
