My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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