I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
