Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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