so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
