his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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