Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
