I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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