I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
