so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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