i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
