how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
