so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
