Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
