dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
