Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
