Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
