:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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