I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
