Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
