And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
