Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
