if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
