I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
