I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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