They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
