If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
