Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
