Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
