You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
