you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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