there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
