the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
