Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
