he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
