I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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