I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
