I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
