Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
