Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
