is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
