This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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