I bet he comes in French.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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