I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
