The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
