He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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