Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
