you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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