Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
