I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Its about making memories worth repressing
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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